Parenting?

These are the voices of numerous Asian teenagers. Those teenagers who didn’t know they had the freedom to build their own beliefs when they were unintentionally forced to believe a particular idea; those teenagers who had to spend the whole day at home studying because scoring a decent grade wasn’t just enough; those teenagers who didn’t get to be part of a slumber party; those teenagers who weren’t allowed to explore the world of relationships; those teenagers who didn’t get to spend time on things they loved because that could probably bring down their grades in subjects they barely liked. My stories are for the Asian parents out there; all of you need to listen.

[1] “She’s playing noise in the background with boys.” - Mrs. Kim (Gilmore Girls, 2000-2007)

Mrs. Kim was an Asian mother of a teenage girl, Lane Kim who had an intense passion for Rock music and the least interest in religious followings. Why was it so, that Lane was afraid to voice her love for music and make-up to her mother for over 17 years? It is only a fact that people are different from one another when it comes to taste in music, dressing styles, love for studies, career choices. Yet, we often fail to speak out to our parents and the reasons are many; fear of disappointment and disapproval being the most popular ones. Why are our dreams shunted aside by the people we love the most? This is a common question that pops into the head of a child with a strict parent. Isn’t it time we realize that each individual is different and their dreams are equally as important? Think.

[2] “Mere bharose ko sharminda mat karna, bola tha na maine?!” - Baldev Singh (DDLJ, 1995)

[Translation: Don’t break my trust, didn’t I tell you?!]

Remember the movie that was played across film theatres for over 25 years? The movie that we loved and was close to our hearts? Yes. We did seem to enjoy, but did it give out the right ideas? Why did Baldev say these words; what did he mean? He meant Simran shouldn’t have fallen in love with Raj; he meant she shouldn’t have felt love; he meant feelings must be controlled. But feelings are spontaneous and unstoppable; if not, life would’ve been so much easier. Love is a feeling as well, just like anger, sorrow and happiness. Yet, we are scared to express our feelings to the people we love the most and the reasons are many; fear of disappointment and disapproval being the most popular ones. Why are our happiness often overpowered by fear of judgement and dismay? Think.

[3] “Pray you get into Princeton; don’t pray for stupid things like world peace!” - Nalini Viswakumar (Never Have I Ever)

Going to a college of your choice is something, but this isn’t about a choice or preference. This is how much important studies, grades and ranks matter to Indian parents. Is this how success is measured? Well, it shouldn’t be. Success can be anything; if you can bring a smile to a person’s face, you are successful; if you can help a needy, you are successful; if you can find happiness in the smallest thing you do, you are successful; if you unlearn a wrong practice and relearn the right one, you are successful. Obsessing over grades only means obstructing a talented being from achieving their dreams. Yet, we are afraid of failing at something we haven’t ever dreamt of liking. Isn’t being skilled at something you love more important than living a monotonous life doing things you never were passionate about? Why do we always have to be best at everything we do? Think.

[4] “It doesn’t always work to lock a kid up and throw away the key!” - Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls, 2000-2007)

Lorelai Gilmore was the 32-year-old mother of 16-year-old Rory Gilmore, Lane’s best friend. Yes, Lorelai was a teen mom, and was a rebellious teen too. She grew up with two strict parents, and knew the struggle; hence was a cool parent. But Mrs. Kim wasn’t impressed by Lorelai’s parenting styles, obviously. According to Lorelai, trying to build a control in your child’s life can only make them grow more rebellious. Most Asian parents often use the phrase I give my children enough freedom; and this is not an age-respective comment. What is freedom? Is it something that you give? Think.

These were the voices of Asian children; who want love, concern and protection from their parents. But what they also need is for their parents to be their friends; friends who do not give them a guilt trip for having fun, friends who do not judge them because they have a different personality, friends who accept and support their dreams, friends who let them be who they are and help them grow independent. Doesn’t it bring a smile to your face when you open Instagram and see a mother-daughter duo dancing on Kajra Mohabbat Wala, and Sharan Nair with his grandmother, reacting to Friends? Why is it shocking to know that a child has a mom-bestie? It’s time to think. So, THINK.

PS: Well let me tell you, my mother is my best friend and is nothing like what I've mentioned above. These are the thoughts that came in from whatever I've seen or heard.